


The past

by LinaLuthor



Series: Twice Upon... [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Developing Relationship, F/F, Multi, Polyamory, Scars, past bullying, past toxic relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27356779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinaLuthor/pseuds/LinaLuthor
Summary: Byleth feels bad about her work and her income when comparing them to Ingrid's and Edelgard's lifestyle.Ingrid realizes that, unlike Edelgard and Byleth, she seems to lack a direction in life, a reason why she'd want to keep working in a competitive setting as well.Edelgard is confronted first with something, then with someone that brings back memories of darker times.Polyship week day 4: jealousy/loneliness
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Ingrid Brandl Galatea & My Unit | Byleth, Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Series: Twice Upon... [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1993522
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19
Collections: FE3H Polyship Week





	The past

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'd like to leave a CW/TW for bullying, surgical procedures and scars. While those won't be discussed in a lot of depth, always nice to give a little warning 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!

"Higher! Faster!"

Byleth's words echoed around the school yard, her blue eyes equally fierce as she watched over each student under her tutelage. It was a beautiful late autumn evening with cloudless skies tinted orange, the sun was quickly setting and calling an end to that day.

Winter approached and it had been getting dark sooner, meaning she could no longer time her classes according to changes in sunlight. She had to actually look at her new wristwatch to know how much longer she had with those broody, tired-looking teenagers - and was more than glad for the gift she had gotten from Edelgard.

She meandered a bit far from the two lines of ten pupils each, who were brandishing their florins at one another and trying on a sequence she had taught them earlier. They were all dressed in pristine white uniforms and masks like those she had seen at olympic matches - even their weapons were too good and refined for classes, especially considering how none of them were shooting for becoming athletes anyways. 

But then it would be foolish of her to expect anything less from the students of prestigious Garreg Mach High, the best school in the entire city and the most expensive as well. Everything in it was a bit too much in her opinion, though she was glad that there was a special room they could use for fencing practices. However, Byleth had been a high school student herself not _that_ long ago and remembered how she had longed to be outdoors after a whole day locked in a classroom. 

Hence she often took her pupils to the front yard that faced the stunning peaks and cliffs that etched the Oghma Mountains and the darkening skies in all of their glory. Behind her and her pupils stood the school itself, red brick and grey stone woven together to create something that looked almost like a castle, a stronghold, a fortress of the ancient days. Legend had it that the school had been a monastery once, and she believed those tales even if many theorized that it had been a palace instead. 

At least the interior looked like one, all fancy and traditional in so many ways that made Byelth wonder how out of place she would have felt if she had ever set foot in there during her teen years, or if she had studied in such a place. Perhaps it wasn't as different as the houses some of those kids lived at, she mused while stopping two of her students and coaching both attacker and defender on how their florins should be moving for that drill. They nodded at her, frowning, and got back to the exercise. 

She and Leonie had often joked about the stupidly huge manors that lined some neighborhoods around the city as they walked together to their much humbler school. The sisters used to make fun of their sometimes outrageous, impractical designs and how it seemed like they towered over everything and everyone around them, asserting a kind of dominance when it came to looks and ridiculousness.

That also led to them laughing and almost choking when they spotted a kid or two making their way into their parents' limousine or whatever huge car the ritzy family chose to use. It was impossible not to giggle at their formal, too detailed uniforms, bows, oversized bags and their "proper" demeanor that made them look and act like robots (when they weren't being the biggest brats ever and throwing tantrums before school time).

Byleth smiled to herself when she remembered those days spent with the sister that had been placed into her family, since Leonie's had succumbed to poverty and decided she needed a better shot at life. The two young girls had bonded a lot over their spite at everything that was too meticulous, calculated, controlled and extra, in a way. At all that tried and always failed to take away the inevitable and the unexpected, which were an important element of life in itself. 

That was part of the reason why Byelth felt shocked whenever she thought about how she was getting more and more into Edelgard's world as time went by. To the stability and certainty of her beautifully colored schedules. To the grandiose house she owned, as huge as those she and Leonie had mocked before. The way she dressed, her controlled behavior, how she tried her best to keep emotions in check even when they spilled through wide lilac eyes and her expression, regardless of all that she did to avoid that from happening.

As Byleth brought the class to a halt and told the students to change partners, she felt a pang of guilt at the way she and Leonie had thought about those people that were completely outside of their social circle. How the two had slandered them, reducing them to stereotypes, forgetting that they were human beings as well, a fact which was pretty much slapped on her face the moment she'd gotten to know Edelgard better. 

Sighing, she let those thoughts wander back to her, to that wonderful woman who was slowly opening herself up to both Byleth and Ingrid. It was amazing to think of how El had already made such a strong imprint in Byleth's life, one that went way beyond the fancy, royal blue wristwatch which was now signalling that she had around ten more minutes of class. Or the nice meal she and Edelgard had had before, in one of the fanciest restaurants in the city, and the amazingly fit, comfortable and somehow ritzy sports gear that hugged her body, tight black pants underneath a flowing, loose cerulean buttoned-up shirt. 

Even her students had gaped at her when they saw what she was wearing, used as they were to her sloppy clothes and almost non-existent sense of fashion. 

Although a part of her wanted to latch on to that little detail, laugh about it and shrug it off, a bigger portion of her brain was too keen on finding an issue with the whole ordeal. One that was not only limited to how different their worlds were, but also encompassed how she had been completely unable to give anything at all back to the other woman. 

Sure, Byleth thought as she told the students to stop, place their weapons back where they had put their bags and ended the lesson with stretches, she _had_ asked El out on more than enough dates. She'd taken Edelgard to her favorite restaurants, the movies, even to her fishing spot, the best one in all of Garreg Mach City. 

However, those were not the smaller woman's usual hangouts and she'd seen her looking apprehensive from time to time whenever they were in those locations. To make matters worse, whereas Edelgard seemed more than happy to shower her with gifts (doing the same to Ingrid, she had found out a few days ago) Byleth hadn't been able to pick up one thing at all for her. 

It wasn’t even that she hadn’t thought of what to give her - no, those ideas were far and plenty, thank you very much. What wasn’t as plenty, however, was her income and that was where the issue was.

The fact that Ingrid had just gotten Edelgard not one, but two books she’d been dreaming about buying, _and_ taken her to the theater a week ago, only seemed to drive the point home. Byleth winced at the memory of the pretty picture she’d seen on their social media that night and all the gushing they had done through messages on the group chat, about how good the play had been. Yes, they had the right to do that for sure. Yes, Byleth knew she shouldn't feel threatened or the likes. But even so…

It had been as if she were completely alien to the situation, their dynamics and the setting, as she realized she had never even set foot inside a theater to begin with.

“That was great, guys,” Byleth said once she finished with stretching and clapped to call their attention. That was received with tired, relieved faces. She was glad no one caught up to the sadness that she could hear in her own voice. “If you can, try practicing those exercises at home so that we can turn them into a proper sequence on Friday. And remember to rest as well, you more than deserve it.”

Some snickered at that, but most pupils looked somewhat happy at hearing it, at having their exhaustion validated by a teacher (even if she was only their fencing instructor and not the principal or someone more important, in a sense).

Because yes, she pondered as the students fell into an orderly line and went to get their backpacks, which had been left leaning against the school walls, she was _only_ a fencing instructor. Nothing good, stable or grandiose as being a lawyer or a fancy chef. Her income, while enough to keep herself living comfortably and allowed for some splurges, would never get to the same level as what the other two earned. It would probably never let her treat Edelgard the way she wanted to, the way the woman deserved to be treated. 

Byleth frowned while grabbing her own pack and walking away from the school grounds. It was the first time she felt sour about her lifestyle or her occupation, to tell the truth. It hadn’t been an issue before and she had never thought it would ever be one. As she picked up her phone and opened the dozen messages shown by her notifications, she groaned at a picture that Ingrid had sent in their group chat, one of her and Edelgard dressed to the nines in a beautiful blue tux and crimson gown. She recalled then that they had been planning to go to a musical and were probably on their way there. 

Funny thing was, that hadn’t been important earlier on. She totally did not object to them going, just to the fact that she didn't think she would be able to do the same. 

She shook her head and eventually picked up her helmet and florin as well. Byleth could already see it would be one hell of a long, _lovely_ night with nothing but those thoughts and worries for company at home. 

* * *

Ingrid was blowing on her fingers before she even realized what had happened. The next second, though, her mind registered the stinging, dull ache that seemed to follow her like a shadow since it came around a tad too often to her liking. One would have thought that after a lifetime of baking and being a chef, she would have either grown resistant to burns or at least more skilled in handling pans and trays in order to avoid them. 

Alas, that was far from the case. Ingrid muttered curses and sulked while tending to both index and middle fingers, ignoring the pointed stares and chuckles she got from the other cookers and waiters that she was sharing the kitchen with. Not that they didn’t have a reason to raise eyebrows at it; after all, it had been the third time in that week alone that Ingrid injured herself and ended up needing someone to finish her task while she managed to temporarily take care of the wound. 

“I’ve got this, chef,” Ashe said, abandoning the dish he had been stirring and going to aid her. He was the only one who had frowned in concern instead of in mockery and often took over for her whenever something like that happened. As a result, Ingrid had grown to rely on him a lot, his light and soothing presence a stark contrast from how spiteful some of their coworkers were.

“Thanks, Ashe. You’re a good one,” she gratefully smiled, leaving the cobbler tray over the kitchen counter and going straight to the sink on the other side of the huge place they shared with at least eight more people. 

She cussed again as freezing cold water reached her burned fingers, digits already turning a slight tone of red. She’d seen that enough times already to know that at worst she would have a nasty bubble next morning, though she had mastered the trick to avoid it many years ago.

“No worries. This is looking great, by the way,” Ashe retorted, edging closer to her in order to wash his own hands, after making sure the dessert was still too warm to be plated. “Is there anything on your mind as of late?”

Ingrid shook her head, already used to that little dance of theirs whenever she had hurt herself one too many times in a small length of time. Ashe and her had been friends for a long while and knew she wasn’t one to easily process or talk about her feelings to begin with. Although he understood that, it didn’t stop him from asking. In any case, over the years they ended up developing an almost non-verbal communication based on body language and gestures alone.

Ashe knew Ingrid was more accident-prone when fretting; that denial, followed by a quick smile, meant she was mostly fine and the reason for her current state of mind wasn’t hard to solve, nor did she need a hug or words of solace. Or, what the chef loved even more and would never say no to when offered. his signature pasta with rosé sauce that was simply to die for and never failed to make her beam.

She sighed and went to the huge, spotless silver fridge after letting her fingers stay under cold running water for a few seconds more, then reached for some ice cubes and a plastic bag to put them in. Her pained, narrowed gaze met some of the derisive stares that were still being thrown her way; she held them with defiance until those people finally dropped the act. 

It wasn’t often that those things made her incredibly frustrated, but in that moment her joy of cooking evaporated and she was filled with blind anger at the people that were there with her, that were supposed to help instead of hinder, to accompany and not compete. It was easy then for her to recall the myriad other times when she had been faced by their disdain and dismissal, something that got a lot worse when she became known as the fastest employee to achieve the position of chef in the history of the restaurant. 

Well, some used to say other cooks were acting like that exactly because of how fast she had been promoted. She was forever told of how fancy, five-star restaurants were more often than not very cutthroat places, but she had never expected things to get to that level. 

To that day there were many rumors, too. Rumors that had followed Ingrid like clingy shadows ever since she was hired, fresh out of culinary school, and treated with the same respect and trust as cooks who had been there for as long as the restaurant had changed hands. People whispered of how she was more than likely Dimitri’s lover, even though everyone knew that the young owner had been dating Dedue and Ashe since high school. And although she usually had a good laugh at those stupid claims and watched over Ashe like a hawk so he wouldn’t get hurt by them, that didn’t mean there weren’t times in which she got weary, tired of it all.

It was also funny how things like that tended to happen during highly stressful nights, when every table had been taken over by reservations made more than a month ago and the staff had to gently turn down last minute, hungry customers who were more than happy to yell at anyone for the inconvenience. When the chefs and cooks were already struggling to keep eaters satisfied and orders coming on time, the kitchen becoming an inferno with all ovens and stoves being put to work at once and waiters rushing in and out with orders to give and take. 

That was one such night, the added pressure of having a tall number of orders to deliver piling up with the annoyance she felt at those prodding, accusing stares, everything coming together to leave a sour taste in her mouth and an uncomfortable feeling in her chest. Her mind reeled, tried distancing itself from that reality and escape into a safer space, into the sweetest memories she could conjure - unsurprisingly, those did revolve around all she had done and discovered with Edelgard and, to an extent, Byleth too. 

A smile colored her face at that, the first of that hectic night, as she was finally able to place the ice pack down and check on her cobbler, realizing it was still a bit too warm. The most recent recollection she had was of her and El going to another play a week after that nice musical, and then ending the night at Ingrid’s house, sharing her much smaller bed in a way that they ended up snuggling all the time. It had been so good to fall asleep like that, making small comments about what they had watched and caressing one another long into dawn, into sunrise even.

Morning had been even better. They rose together a tad too early after getting almost no sleep and enjoyed a nourishing breakfast while talking about themselves. It was the first time Ingrid had taken Edelgard to her place and she was slightly self-conscious of it, of how her smaller, decidedly messier house probably looked like a guest bedroom to the other woman, what with the cooking books scattered in every room and in the kitchen too. There were some boxes lying around with recently acquired apparel and more books, laundry to be done, too many cushions over the sofa and so on. 

Hence it was a relief when El neither commented nor stared too much at those pockets of chaos, though her posture was a bit guarded and Ingrid wondered how much that was due to Edelgard’s nature and how much could be attributed to the new environment around her. 

“Watch it, Galatea!”

The yell brought her back to her current, unpleasant reality and she fumbled with an apology to the waiter she’d almost run over in her distraction and haste to grab another order. The far afield, clumsy manner that had been a constant her entire life was so completely at odds with the more meticulous, precise ways in which Edelgard behaved and went through the world, something Ingrid admired and wanted very much to emulate some day. 

She sighed once her mind returned to their morning conversation, her hands finally plating the cobbler and then moving to chop onions on autopilot for the next dish she had to make. The motion and the constant rush in the kitchen were unable to ground her and keep her from reminiscing, from remembering how put together and goal-oriented Edelgard had seemed to be. 

“I really want to be a good defense attorney, and soon,” El had said, politely sipping from a cup of bergamot tea. As soon as Ingrid had heard it was her favorite, she had rushed into the nearest store and bought almost their entire stock.

“What made you choose law to begin with?” The chef had inquired, wondering how similar their stories could be given that Edelgard’s parents were lawyers too.

El wasn’t one to talk about the past, especially when it came to certain years of her life, so Ingrid and Byleth usually threaded carefully while asking something like that. She had eyed the smaller woman after uttering those words, looking for any signs of distress and internally grimaced when she saw a bit of tension on her shoulders and how she gripped the mug. The chef opened her mouth to retrieve the question, then beamed instead as those things were gone a second later and were replaced by a decided, fierce light on those lilac eyes. 

“It’s ok,” Edelgard had softly reassured her, placing a hand on Ingrid’s forearm. “As you know, my parents are lawyers and I did grow up hearing about and witnessing their performances in and outside of court.” She had stopped in that moment, irises suddenly becoming darker and broody. “That isn’t the main reason for it, though. Let’s just say that… the court has granted me freedom from something important that happened when I was younger. I have wanted to repay the favor and do the same ever since.”

Some might have thought it vague, or stupid, nothing more than a dreamy motivation born in a childish mind. Ingrid, on the other hand, had felt overwhelmed with joy at both hearing about her past and seeing so many emotions on the woman’s face, eyes and voice.

On that quaint, quiet morning, it’d been wonderful to get to know that about her partner, to see her slowly opening up. Right then, back at the restaurant and the kitchen from hell, with people yelling around and at her for entrees, petit gateaux that had just been placed into the oven and a risotto that was taking a bit too long, Ingrid couldn’t help but feel a distinct, familiar pang of guilt and self-hatred at that entire thing. At her inability to stop someone else’s dreams to become her reality. At her general lack of direction and voice when it had been needed the most. 

It wasn’t that she hated her job, the amazing position she had gotten at the restaurant and the extra cash she made with catering. Her income was more than just great and allowed her to send money to her family each week, then splurge on herself and now her new partner without a tinge of self-consciousness for that. 

No, the issue was that, just like Edelgard, her parents’ professions had had a say on her becoming a cook, a baker and finally a chef. However, unlike Edelgard, there were times when she couldn’t see why she was doing those things to that day. And what was worse, she thought while dumping onions on a pan and getting other things to chop for the paprika-spiced chicken she had to make, she couldn’t think of one thing she would rather be doing.

Hearing that El seemed to have so many plans for her own future, including a specific type of court cases she’d try getting and a masters degree somewhere down the line had also made Ingrid aware of how little she had thought about it, herself. How her mind seemed to be more and more focused on making it through orders and shifts, getting her paycheck and sending a certain amount to her parents to make sure they were comfortable and would stay off her feet, period. Rewind, repeat, go through motions and at first weeks, then entire months and years had simply evaporated in front of her. 

“Galatea, I didn’t know that burning onions added flavor to the dish.”

More chuckles and giggles followed as Ingrid rushed back to a stove she couldn’t remember turning on. She hastily took the pan out of it, sighing while discarding the charred ingredient. It didn’t even seem like she was their superior - heck, she wouldn’t even be surprised if it turned out that one of her lovely coworkers had actually played that trick on her and put the onions on the fire like that. That was just how things went in Hell's Kitchen anyways.

“Ok, then,” she retorted, turning to address the entire tear and causing people to stifle their giggles as soon as they noted the anger in her voice and emerald eyes. “Does anyone else have anything to say or should we go back to work? Also, if you’re feeling particularly funny or witty, I’ve heard they’re looking for new faces at the stand-up comedy center. You know, it’s never too late for a career change, for doing what you were really meant to in life. Cooking certainly isn't for everyone - or working as a team, apparently."

Astounded eyes fell upon her. Usually, she would rather focus on her duties and on proving her worth through the quality of her dishes instead of reprimanding whatever sneer that had been thrown at her. Her words right then, albeit simple, were said in a scathing way that made some blush and most look down, pretending to be too interested in the task they had been taking care of. When no response came and another order was brought in by a waiter who had missed the entire thing, Ingrid relaxed and went to the fridge for a new onion, beginning that process from scratch.

The silence that now surrounded her wasn’t a reflection of her mind, which kept going on and on about how weak and lacking she was. About how stupid she had been before, to the point she let her parents and former owners to a restaurant that ended up closing due to bankrupcy, dictate her career, how she would make the Galatea name great again. How to this day she felt powerless to do the one thing she had jokingly suggested to her coworkers just then, having absolutely no drive to stir herself in a future or her own choosing.

The image of a confident Byleth, who seemed content with her current job and had a plan B because why not, and of Edelgard, with an entire galaxy shining in her eyes as she spoke about her dreams made Ingrid sigh and wish she could be better, do better, or at least be just like those two. Maybe in time El would even decide she had no need for her, as no one loved a person who had no idea what the hell they wanted to do with their lives, right?. 

In that moment, even though she was surrounded by people that were doing similar things to what she was, even though she had a strong, beautiful and successful partner by her side, Ingrid felt alone, small and unworthy. The feeling festered through the night and her activities, when she was showered with praises the second she delivered the dishes herself to one of the waiting couples, The Gonerils. They were faithful clients and enjoyed Ingrid’s cooking more than anything else in the world - or so they said - and made a point to see her whenever they visited the restaurant. 

Each world uttered by the amicable couple was a stab to her heart, a testament to her own inability to think beyond the next dish to be prepared. Even if she had plastered a smile on her face through the entire ordeal while hanging by their round, pristine table and waiting until they tasted the first bite of their paprika chicken, her thoughts had thundered and rolled underneath, the pain she was feeling at their praise running underneath her skin, kept silent and hidden. 

So it went on until the restaurant closed, the words of delight she had heard not only from the Gonerils but other families as well echoing in a dull pain instead of offering the comfort they should. She scrubbed the kitchen counter and ovens with the rest of the team that night, something she hadn’t done in ages. and still was the best of them due to how fast and strong she was cleaning it all up, mulling instead of battling those thoughts.

Ingrid went home in silence after denying Ashe’s invitation to a game night with Dedue and Dimitri, beaming when he said she was free to bring her partner if she wanted to as well. He knew about Edelgard and in the end wondered if the girls had something planned, though the sadness in the chef’s eyes seemed at odds with that.

It was only when she reached her home, dropped her backpack on the floor and finally grabbed her phone while waltzing through the living room that she noticed the thousand phone calls she had missed from Byleth, accompanied by many messages in their private chat. 

Heart already racing due to some sort of anticipation, she skipped the messages and immediately dialed Byleth, sensing that haze of self-hatred that had clouded her earlier dissipate when faced with the danger she could feel looming around. Something was very wrong, she knew, and not just because Byleth was never one to make phone calls. 

A hushed, exasperated conversation later, Ingrid jumped into her car again and drove as responsibly and fast as she could, cursing herself for not looking at her damn phone at all through the entire night, being too lost in her own head to even remember it. 

The one thing she could do then was hope it wasn’t too late to do at least one thing right. 

* * *

Edelgard could often tell when and why a panic attack was about to happen. She had had them for long enough to actually understand her triggers and always did her best to either avoid them altogether or minimize their impact by slowly exposing herself to them, allowing her mind time and space to accommodate itself. The entire process was a nuisance and more often than not she would chastise herself from having to do things so differently from other people just because of what had happened around a decade ago. 

That day had proved to her how impossible it could be to control life, as no matter how careful she was around some issues, sometimes they came without warning, without time for her to ease her mind into them.

Maybe it would have been funny in a dark, twisted way, since part of her had really wanted to deal with cases such as that one. Why, she had wanted to be a lawyer because of stuff like that, to help others have justice like she had when she was younger. The thought of aiding people like her, who had been wronged in one way or the other, had fueled her love for the profession, gotten her through countless nights spent awake while studying and reviewing for as long as she could before her eyes shut down on their own volition, before her professors had announced when their exams would be.

That passionate approach had even inspired Dorothea, striking her as something new and different in a profession that could be seen by many as cold, calculated and too precise. As a result she had joined Edelgard in some of those study sessions and together they had become the star students in their classes. After all, it was easy to be motivated by someone going after their dreams, someone who was attempting to get over their past and use it as a lever to help others.

How awful it was then that El’s first contact with a case that echoed her worst memories had sent her reeling. Instead of being an opportunity for her to show how much she had grown, to her it quickly became an affirmation of all the hindrances that still surrounded her, or in her own words, how stupidly weak she still was. 

The day had started as any Monday morning, although she was a tad more puzzled and unsure than usual after an interesting weekend spent with Byleth and Ingrid. They had gone out for a simple stroll around Garreg Mach on Sunday and shared some memories associated with their favorite places in the city. That hadn’t been the first time they had done something like it, but it was always fun and nice to get to know more about each other on that way.

And maybe things would have been the same that Sunday, with them laughing and joking around, except… It hadn’t been ok at all.

As Edelgard greeted the few coworkers who started their days at Hresvelg & Hresvelg like she did, she wondered what could have caused that difference in their demeanors, her fingers already sifting through piles of cases once she took a seat in her own desk.

Both Ingrid and Byleth had been a bit distant, their smiles encouraging and supportive as always if she were to share something about herself. Yet they did turn broody and small if it was their turn to talk. 

They hadn't shared much either, mostly answered her questions and said something or another when she prompted them to. It had made her question whether there was a pressing matter on their minds or, worse yet, if she had done anything at all to upset them. Sure, they were being really affectionate towards her despite it, but that wasn’t enough to stop her from wondering. 

Edelgard had carried that uncertainty during the rest of the evening and had some trouble falling asleep, thinking about not only that afternoon, but other worries which often tended to cloud her mind when she had another bout of insomnia. Hence it was no wonder she was feeling a bit stiff both mentally and physically that morning, eyes rummaging through the cases that had been set aside for her insight and consideration the week before. 

Although she had yet to be the assigned attorney on a case since she was freshly out of college, she had already participated in smaller ones with either or both of her parents standing as mentors and the actual people in charge of the whole ordeal. Even then and in the company too, her opinion was considered as if she were actually assigned to the case and not just someone gaining experience after acing her bar exam. 

It was a nice, comforting dynamic that she and her parents had established, though Edelgard couldn’t wait to crack some really tough cases, to actually step into a courtroom and defend her clients, those who had unfairly suffered at -

Her mind and eyes stopped when she finished scanning the document which was currently on her hands. A few key words were able to slice through her mental haze and all the concern that had been there before, making her blink and focus on reality. 

She had always thought that the moment she was finally faced with a case like that, she would at least grow happy. Maybe the most accurate emotions would be fiery and passionate, anger directed at the accused too. Never had she imagined that her heart would skip a beat, squeezing itself out of sympathy for the victim and out of fear for herself. For what almost had occurred and for what could have been the actual outcome of that entire mess.

If she hadn’t been able to focus earlier on, it became totally impossible to keep her thoughts in order after she realized what the case currently on her hands entailed. Even so, she forced her eyes to go back to the summary which had been typed out and reread it, trying to engage her mind into working with her, not against her.

_“Seventeen-year-old female, harassed both in and outside of school through social media and direct messaging. The words used by the accused parties related to the victim’s physical appearance and her hobbies (reading during break and not socializing with others).”_

That was enough to make her heart beat a little faster, causing her vision to warble for some seconds. El wanted to stop, but at the same time felt like she couldn’t. Her mind was whirling too fast and her hands were shaking, the first two signs of a panic attack. Yet she pressed on regardless, already pulled in too deep to let it go. 

_“Her complaints about the bullying went unheard by teachers and the principal, who the victim claims advised her to not take everything so seriously and be more open-minded. When teachers and principal were shown the messages, which contained a death threat, their response remained unchanged. Two days after her pressing charges against the school and the families of those who tended to harass her the most, she was found wounded -”_

By that point Edelgard really did stop reading, noticed how her breathing was hitched, uneven and too shallow. Her shoulders were locked tight and she had to force her face to remain calm instead of contorting in pain and fear. The last thing she wanted was for her coworkers to notice she was unwell - there was enough of a competitive aura in the office as it was and surely some amazing gossip about her would be made up if she were to show even one sign of discomfort.

As much as she tried, she couldn’t make her body move, though. She knew it would go on like that for the next few minutes while her mind threatened to spill into too many thoughts, to dissociate from reality in order to run away and hide. The thought that wanted to keep her there, present and pretending to be fine was only one in a multitude of others that screamed at how awful things were. Of how awful she had been back then and still was, to that day. Her anxiety at being seen at such a vulnerable moment fed into those recollections that had been awakened by the case, intensifying everything to an almost unbearable point. 

It felt like there was no way out of that stalemate, either. Since that was going on for too long and she couldn’t break that state, more recollections and even some images she had seemed suppressed became too clear, so detailed that it was almost as if they were her reality. As if she had been going through it all again, the name-calling, the shoves, the small kicks to her back. The running, so much running, until her legs and torso ached and she was eventually caught. The lack of support and of an end to that, the belief that no one would ever want her until that flash, that wild mane of orange hair had made her believe otherwise.

Only to crush her, soul, mind and spirit a few months later. 

That was too cruel, too much. She tried bringing herself back to reality once more although her mind kept throwing her into those recollections, into every day and moment of her life that had left a scar, physical or emotional-wise. She was no longer there, she told herself. Years had passed and she was safe, she was even loved by two partners. Two amazing women that had been so supportive, but so distant last Sunday that El could do nothing except worry that she’d done something wrong. 

Her mind, triggered and raw as such, was keen to feast on that doubt, on the fact that her so-called partners probably only tolerated her because they had no idea about what had happened in her past. Sure, they knew there was something wrong with her, but then so did whoever spent more than five minutes in her presence, right? They just weren’t aware of specifics, but the moment they did-

In any case, maybe they had already grown bored of her, of all the small things that made her so odd. Or how she had yet to do anything that was almost a requirement in a relationship, all that was supposed to come after the kissing. 

By then the office was no more and the one thing that remained in her mind were those gloomy, foreboding thoughts. At some point or another it was as if she were back to being a kid, one that wasn’t like the others and was hurt and called names because of that. She could almost hear them clear as day, the other children who would make a circle around her and alternate between chanting her latest, stupid nickname and -

“Heeeeey, Earth to Edelgard,” a peeved voice close to her said, impatiently snapping fingers in front of her eye.

The one result those actions accomplished was to spike Edelgard’s anxiety and make her gasp in surprise. At least she was finally able to move and turned around to see Monica, the intern, looking at her with a pained, pointed glare. The flash of dark red in her hair, or perhaps other similarities to someone El had used to know and trust, just made her stare at the younger woman as if she had no idea about what to do with her presence.

“I’ve been calling you forever, jeez. Friendly advice, never do that in court or it could probably make you lose the entire case,” Monica counseled in a chiding voice. “Well whatever, miss highty and mighty, can you just pass me one of those?” She went on after Edelgard had failed to respond to her jest, then yanked the case report from El’s hands as if it were nothing. “Cat ate your damn tong- Oh, now this is interesting.”

Edelgard was lost about what to do, tried recovering the piece of paper from Monica but failed due to how much her hands were trembling and how she had yet to regain full control of her movements. Her mind was hyperfocused on the present now instead of the past, but something about the intern’s demeanor was setting her on edge again. 

“Hm so this is a serious case of bullying that ended up on this girl being hurt and hospitalized, plus the accused not only sending hate mail before, but posting pics of her all beaten up on social media?” Monica recited as she meandered between stations that were still unoccupied due to how early it was. “Kids these days. Though I can see why they’d be mean to her, I mean have you seen this girl? Ugh, yeah, like no need to get all violent and stuff, but some people do need to get some tough love in order to really change for the better, you know? 

“Like, can you believe my half sister was locked away just because she tried giving some advice to her girlfriend? But apparently the girl was damaged goods already and took her the wrong way, so my sis was tried and convicted for emotional and physical abuse. She was sent to prison at seventeen and my family was forced to pay for that other girl’s medical bills. I think there was a surgery too, I was too young to remember. It’s so stupid, oof. My sweet sister, being played like that by a kid that made up dozens of lies about her.”

Something about Monica’s speech made first disgust, then undiluted anger and fear coil in El’s stomach before taking her over as it coursed through her bloodstream. She couldn’t tell exactly what part of it made her body tense, though at least she was able to find her voice in the meantime. “Your sister was tried as a minor because she harassed someone else?”

“Oh good, you’re finally back to us,” Monica said as she sat on her desk and not on her chair. “Do you often stare into space like that? No wonder you’ve passed the bar exam but has yet to go to court.”

Edelgard rolled her eyes, well-aware of Monica’s deep disgust for her though she had no idea what she had done to deserve being treated like garbage from the moment they had met. She didn’t think her being a Hresvelg was the actual issue for Monica, as it was for other employees at the company. No, somehow it seemed like her motives went a lot deeper than that.

A lot closer to home than anything else. 

“In any case, you asked about my step sister. Well, she was dating a younger girl at the time if I’m not mistaken. I was a kid then and watched as the other girl’s lawyers destroyed my sister’s reputation due to false allegations and forged evidence,” Monica continued, red irises burning with hatred at those memories. 

“How would you know that was forged evidence and false testimony if you were just a child at the time?” Edelgard countered, suspicious, trying to focus on facts instead of reading too much into what was being said. There was no way the intern was talking about -

“I know my sister, thank you very much. Even if we were born from different dads, she was the best to mom and I, always making sure we were ok and had enough money to get by. She was working hard back then, despite not earning a lot.” She breathed, emotion making her voice rise. “She kept me safe when bad people at school tried talking mean stuff about me. She made them shut up, somehow.

“So yeah, there is no way she did all those things she was accused of. We were a happy family, just the three of us, before that stupid kid decided it was her place and right to end us just because she was rich and had influencial parents. Yeah, the world is unfair like that. And that is how my sweet, gentle Kronya was called a criminal and locked away just because she said a few words to that bastard.”

The name echoed in her brain, inviting memories that she had thought and hoped would already be lost to time and more blissful days. Kronya. Her first and only attempt at a relationship before Ingrid and Byleth arrived. The one person she had trusted with her young, foolish heart, the one who had made her feel normal and wanted for a while, only to harm her in so many ways later on. 

The one her parents had pressed charges against while she lay on a hospital bed ten long years ago. Just as Monica had described, that had ended with Kronya being sent to jail, though Edelgard hadn’t heard much about her sentence or the trial itself.

“That’s what made me get into law, by the way,” the intern went on, either unaware of the effect those words were having or more than happy to cause Edelgard more suffering. “To make sure no one else is unfairly punished because of things they never did. To make sure no judge ever gets swayed by money, prestige and the likes of _you_ , Edelgard von Hresvelg. You and your influential parents who put Kronya where she didn’t belong. You’ll pay for that and dearly, just as we did. You freak.”

It wasn’t the word that did it, as it had accompanied El through most of her childhood, to the point she had started using it to describe herself. The issue was getting to hear another side of that story, one that disregarded her suffering, the consequences she still faced to that day and had kept her away from so much already. To just be denied as if she were nothing, as those other kids and then Kronya had done before 

The scars on her back pulsed in pain as if they had recently been etched there, or like those days when she woke up recently out of surgery. Her chest hurt, heart constricting in a new way while her breathing became faster. It was no wonder she had never liked Monica and was always weary when close to her. If one knew what and how to look, there were some physical and emotional similarities between the step siblings too. 

It was tough for Edelgard not to chastise herself for both taking that long to notice those things and also showing some weakness in front of a sneering, gloating Monica. She physically retreated when the intern approached her with meaningful steps and harmful words that went unheard as others from the past tore through the fabric of the present.

Echoes of other times, of other voices that had called her the same things in jest made themselves known in that moment, clouding her discernment of reality. She could almost make out word for word what Kronya had told her that day, after she had taken things a step too far and found out the secret El had been keeping from her, resulting in a volley of insults sent her way.

And maybe it would have been better if the older girl had simply gone on saying those harmful things through the rest of their lives - or the rest of that day at the very least - but unfortunately that wasn’t where the story had ended. Only how it -

“Stay away from her, you creep.”

Suddenly there was a soft, supportive arm around Edelgard’s waist anchoring her down into reality instead of letting her get lost in dark thoughts. She recognized the melodious voice and the warm presence of her best friend, one which had more than often been there when she’d needed it the most. 

“Or what, are you calling the cops on- “ For some reason, Monica’s bravado faltered and she was taken out of El’s sight by two tall guys dressed in soothing blue uniforms. 

“Already done that, _dear_. Also, all you’ve said to Edie is recorded and rest assured that it will be used against you,” Dorothea said, turning away the slightest in order to look at the people behind them. “Stupid freak,” she mumbled under her breath, then regretted it since the word made Edelgard shiver. “Honey, can you hear me? Did she hurt you?”

Edelgard had one moment of clarity in which she shook her head, eyes fixed straight away and unmoving. Then her mind started getting the best of her and she collapsed, almost bringing Dorothea to the ground with her. She was so far afield she didn’t feel the warm embrace that engulfed her, nor the soothing words which were whispered to her ear.

Although she didn't cry, her eyes were veiled and barely registered it as she was dragged away from the office, into a car and finally to the comfort of her own home. Once there, she was gently led to the biggest couch in the living room and placed over it, surrounded by pillows and a cozy blanket, then allowed to lie down on her friend’s lap.

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, a soft, familiar hand petting her hair in slow, rhythmical patterns that managed to almost lull her to sleep through the turmoil of her mind. Nothing in that reality seemed to be able to reach Edelgard and memories kept her locked within their merciless grasp, though. Even so, she was able to listen and make some sense of what was going on when Dorothea whispered:

“Edie, dear, I’ve spoken to your parents about what happened and they’re at the precinct right now. Thing is, I’m needed as an eye witness and they have asked me to keep you out of this for as long as we can, but I can’t just go and leave you -”

“Go,” Edelgard croaked, emotionless. She hadn’t really understood what was happening, but Dorothea had to be somewhere important and the last thing she wanted was to be a burden to her dearest friend. Whatever the issue was, it was surely more interesting than babysitting someone like her.

“No, not like this. Not until one of your girlfriends arrives. I, uh, had to use your phone, dear, but I managed to reach one of them and she’s on her way. Even so, i’ll not leave you alone to deal with this,” Dorothea replied, helping the smaller woman up and holding her in a tight embrace.

Edelgard wanted to retort and say she would always be alone in that dark place inside her mind. That by calling her partners and asking for their help, Dorothea had doomed her to be abandoned once more, as she knew they would leave the second they either saw what a mess she was, or got to hear about what had put her in that situation to begin with.

She felt the loss of warmth the moment Thea was up and left her after some words of reassurance and a peck to her cheek, the promise that someone else would be there soon and that she wasn’t alone. Right then, throughout the minutes spent in silence and loneliness, her mind was keen on supplying her with the sounds of accusations and self-deprecating thoughts which had followed her all the time back then, howling, bitter winds that cut her anew. 

Maybe by being alone, she had deemed herself safe enough to let strong feelings seek a way out of her body, out of an overwhelmed heart that had yet to cease hurting her with too many constricted, painful beats. Tears finally flooded her eyes, spilling emotions and unvoiced thoughts as well. They were allowed to run their course in quiet, when there was no one to see that and no one that she could burden with things like those. 

Tears were helpful, albeit loathed and avoided at all costs. Even if they drained her to an extent and solved nothing, they did result in her feeling more grounded and aware of her surroundings, of how dark and silent it was apart from her occasional sobs or the light which spilled in once the front door was hastily opened.

She heard the soft voice which was painted with concern and reached her a second later, when her body was embraced and her head nuzzled Byleth’s neck. Edelgard would be able to recognize that touch no matter where and how she was, the way the other woman brought her closer while making herself comfortable on the couch too. 

“El? I- don’t know what really happened, but whatever it was, you’re safe now. I’m here for you,” Byleth whispered, rocking their bodies to an unknown, calming rhythm as she rested her chin against Edelgard’s head. “It’s ok to cry if you need to.” That was added since she had noticed Edelgard’s attempt to suppress the tears which had been ebbing from her eyes before. She squirmed on Byleth’s grasp, pushing her away in what could easily be read as shame or regret.

It took a while for El to register those words and actually try believing in them, in the one who had said them. It was easier to suspect, to not take them to heart and understand that yet another person was trying to harm her with false promises. However, something felt different about Byleth and Ingrid - and had been so since their first encounter. Slowly, gradually, she allowed herself to be who she was in that moment, to fully express herself. 

She sought solace against Byleth and let herself weep at last, to show a side of her she had been trying to hide since always, since the night in which they witnessed her have a panic attack. Surely that new emotional meltdown would be the nail in the coffin, the thing that would send both Ingrid and Byleth away for sure.

So she cried, deciding to enjoy that last moment with Byleth, the last time she would be held like that before going back to being alone with nothing but the memories of those beautiful weeks she had gotten to spend with those two partners. Sure that she would only have the phantom of their touches and the echo of their jokes, their words and laughter as companies for so on. 

Byleth was patient and kind, remaining silent instead of offering cheap solutions or fake condolences. She was solid and warm, her presence enough to dispel some recollections of pain and suffering. For a few seconds Edelgard envied that, the stability which emanated from the other woman. She feverently wished then that she could have that ability to keep oneself in check at all times, just as Byleth was doing right then. It was the one form of control she thought she seemed to lack, as her tears were quick to prove.

Minutes and hours passed yet not a word was said between them. At times Edelgard calmed down and dozed off, finding comfort and solace in the sweet release of sleep, only to have a nightmare and softly be brought back to the waking world by Byleth’s touch. Another marking of time was how once every three seconds or so, Byleth would get her mobile and punch words in a more aggressive way than she usually did, or try making a call every now and then.

In her dazed state, Edelgard was convinced the woman was complaining to a friend about the position she had been put in, probably asking someone to either come and relieve her, or take her home altogether. It was already much darker outside when Byleth gave up and occupied her hands with petting and bringing El closer to her instead.

Thus it was a surprise when her phone rang, making both bolt at the lively tones of “Give me Chocolate”. Byleth picked it up and held it to her ear, her other hand curling on El’s cheek.

“Hey Ingrid, sorry to load you with - Wait, no, it’s fine. I know you can’t really check your phone at work.” There was a short pause during which the short woman could hear the chef profusely apologizing anyways. “Listen, if it’ll make you feel better you owe us some triple chocolate cake. Thing is, something happened with El and - no, she’s not hurt, I think.” There was a grimace at that, which grew as Ingrid yelled a bit on the phone. “Well, I don’t know, Dorothea didn’t say much. 

“No, I haven’t asked her - listen, why don’t you come here instead of wasting your time yelling at me? I’m just making sure El knows she’s not alone.” After a sigh and a few moments of silence, Byleth nodded and concluded: “See you in ten, then. Key’s under the carpet as always, I don’t wanna get up only to open the door for you and leave her be.”

She deposited the phone on the arm of the couch after tapping it one last time, put a hand back on Edelgard’s waist and beamed when small, hurt lilac eyes met hers with an unspoken question.

“Ingrid is coming soon. I’ve been trying to get hold of her but apparently she had a longer shift at the restaurant. She said that she was sorry and that she’ll stop by to get your chocolate pie before arriving,” Byleth informed her, glad when it was acquiesced with a nod. “We won’t force you to eat or talk, but we’ll be here if you need us. Always.”

Her heart clenched when Edelgard responded to that with a pained expression before looking away. Byleth wished Dorothea had said more, at least some general context so she knew what they were dealing with. She wanted to help, but was aware that some vague sentences could do more harm than good if she were to carelessly say them. That was why she had decided to remain silent, offer physical support through afternoon and evening, while also attempting to give El some space in case she wanted to confide on her. 

Although tears had stopped, her eyes mostly reflecting the sadness which was probably within, her body was still locked as if in high alert and not a word had left Edelgard’s lips at all.

Their little silent buble was shattered the moment Ingrid arrived, shutting the door with a thud that took them both aback, yelling their names as she paced around in a hurry. That was to be expected; the chef was a lot more practical about her feelings and usually dealt with them by jogging around until she either found a solution or got tired. Byleth winced, wondered how that approach would work in that situation, then screamed to let her know they were in the living room. 

Ingrid and Byleth locked eyes as soon as the blonde came in and placed a beautiful pie over the dining table. Something in Byleth’s gaze made her weary already, or maybe her earlier bout of adrenaline was starting to run off. Even so, by the time Ingrid reached the couch and beamed at Edelgard, most of her excessive and nervous energy was already gone. 

“Hey there,” she greeted in a soft voice. “Can I sit down with you?”

They breathed in relief when El not only nodded, but got out of Byleth’s lap and scooted closer to the other woman in order to give the newcomer some space. Edelgard's expression was neutral at that time, though if one knew how to read her they would see tinges of fear still tainting her lilac irises, on subtle movements as well. 

It had taken a while, but her head eventually stopped spinning and only a few memories still lingered to her with a strong grip. She fought hard to stay on the surface, in the present, when her two partners touched her with tentative, incredibly supportive hands instead of something judging and derisive, sneering at what they didn’t yet know. 

They had a right to learn about it, however. That realization and thought did sting, almost as much as the names she had been called as a kid did. They deserved to know who they were really dating, what they had gotten themselves into. Even if, of course, that ended up pushing them away from her at last. But then, they were good, amazing and incredible people who should only have the best.

“What happened, El?” Ingrid finally inquired. She couldn’t go on watching so many emotions at war inside those enchanting lilac irises. “We want to help you.”

“It’s ok if you’re not ready to talk, though,” Byleth added, shooting the chef a pointed stare. 

They didn't have to wait for longer than one second until she shook her head, eyes staring straight ahead instead of at either of them. “You should know about this. About… me,” Edelgard muttered in a small, raspy voice. In the same way that she couldn’t face them, she couldn’t face herself and her past, at least not how she had thought she would be able to when that day began.

It was time to do so, though, to get it all out of her chest, wasn’t it? She faltered, but decided it would be better to press forward instead. If not for her, then for the two women that she loved so dearly.

She knew many people had it worse. There were so many more relevant, terrible things that could happen to a person to begin with. At times she ended up calling herself names for being too dramatic over it, but that neither dulled nor erased the pain that the wounds had been causing before. She had been trying her best to change her story and do something productive with it, wasn’t it all that she needed?

“Hey, no need to force yourself on our behalf, please,” Ingrid said, running light fingers through a mane of slightly disheveled silver hair. A sign of love and trust, one that was taken as such and further encouraged Edelgard to take that first step.

“No, I really should have done this a lot earlier. You shouldn’t have to live a lie,” El glanced up at the ceiling, as if looking for inspiration in order to start her tale. Where would it be more logical and easier to begin?

She chose to do so with her workplace on that morning, as what had triggered her first response and a return to the past she despised had occurred there. Her voice was stronger when describing what she had seen at her table, everything related to the case about the seventeen-year-old who was bullied, then how she had reacted to it already. It felt easier not to elaborate on that and likewise, she didn’t do so while talking about her encounter with Monica. 

Specific parts of the dialogue were omitted as of then, just for her own sanity and that of the story per se. El deemed it selfish of her, but it didn’t mean her partners were oblivious to the fact that there was a connection between those things. 

“Did you know this Monica when you were younger? Or something related to her?” Ingrid asked, hands trying to massage the knots on El’s shoulders.

The smaller woman hesitated - she had thought she would be able to dodge that particular issue for a while longer. She was unsure on how to go on, though they needed to know. Her mental walls tried edging up, but she closed her eyes and willed them down alongside the shiver that ran through her spine. 

“I dated her step sister Kronya for a few months. She was then placed in jail due to something she did to me.”

Before either of them could stop her or make some new queries, she closed her hands in fists and pushed through once more, telling a tale that few had ever heard before. It was hard to unveil everything that was the fabric of her past, what so far also seemed to map her future as well. 

“I was born with… a slight issue. It wasn’t big enough to be really noticeable unless a pediatrician was looking, and they said that there was a possibility it would be solved by itself. My parents had tried to have kids for a long time and they were too fearful about me undergoing any surgery so early on. I was told I was a small baby too, so maybe that made them even more scared and within reason. For years I grew up as a normal child who loved running, drawing and being read to,” El recited, opening her eyes and fixing her gaze on a nondescript point on the wall. “I didn’t even think there was something wrong, nor did my parents notice that something was getting worse as I got older.

“At around age six a scoliosis that had been just mild developed fully and became somewhat severe in a matter of months. It was quite painful, keeping me awake at night and unable to really sit still at school during the day.” 

There had already been a change to the atmosphere around them given how tense both women were, almost sitting at the edge of their seats and trying their best to keep their touching soft instead of imposing. She had to go on, though, and luckily it was becoming easier and easier to proceed after those first words had been said.

“Children are incredible and full of joy, but at times they can be as cruel as adults or even worse. That means that, as soon as my problem started developing, I also began being bullied because of it almost on a daily basis.” She stopped and sighed, unwilling to go there but forcing herself to just the same. It wasn’t about her, it was about them. So they knew why she wasn’t the person they had thought her to be. “The other kids would chase me until I fell, which was easy since my body was shaped differently, then form a circle around me and call me names, adding in a punch or kick every here and there. 

“And sure, teachers and supervisors were keen on breaking those apart, but that was all they ever did. I wasn’t offered a hand to get up, nor did they believe in me when I told them about what was being done to me. They used to say I was trying to call attention to myself and that perhaps I didn’t belong there at all. That for my own good my parents should place me in a special school, one more suited to my - disabilities. Teachers would speak to me as if I were mentally impaired.” Her voice rose, it was still annoying to remember that part. She was aware and thankful of how Ingrid was holding her with care, how Byleth kept her close too. “I was either disregarded in class or given easier assignments, the bullying continued as soon as the teachers turned away. I was friendless of course, but… at times I do remember two kids helping me. Those recollections aren't clear enough, sadly. Nor were they able to keep everyone else in check.”

“What about your parents? Surely they wouldn’t let something like that go on for long. Also, you did get treatment for the scoliosis, right?” Ingrid asked, pulling Edelgard closer in a gentle gesture and hugging her at last. Her wide, emerald eyes locked with Byleth’s cornflower blue ones and both shared a sad, waiting look. 

That was not what they both had expected, all things considered, starting with that little bit about Kronya and the bullying, too. And, what was worse, they knew there was more to come.

“Those were other times. My parents were working very hard to get Hresvelg & Hresvelg going since it had just been founded - plus, they had their own issues to address. The little free time they had, they used it to analyze more cases, study more and make sure they were the sharpest, best lawyers they could, building their names over the years. Usually I was asleep when they got home and they were already gone when I woke up the next day.” She shook her head, still not staring at them. Her hands were clenched as tight as they could be, jaw and shoulders tense even when the cook tried massaging them. “It was only on the day everyone got home earlier, as the company was starting to stand on its own two feet, that they noticed something was going on.

“It had been a particularly bad day at school and I was sad, blaming myself for being so… monstrous,” she humorlessly chuckled when both of her partners shook their heads at her. “One look at me and my parents asked why my back was that twisted and I was so bruised. When I was finally able to tell them they apologized and scheduled an appointment with the pediatrician the next morning. I was ten at the time.”

 _Ten_. Edelgard had suffered from her condition and other people’s stupidity for around four years. Byleth felt her face screwing up, tears stinging her eyes even if she kept them unshed. She leaned closer to the other two, engulfing them in a hug. 

“I underwent surgery a few months later, as no physician or physical therapist was able to fix my back with exercises and other resources. While I rested from the procedure, my parents arranged for me to change schools so that I could have a new, fresh start. And it was, though my back hurt due to the surgery and the scars and I was alone between kids who had studied together since kindergarten in Garreg Mach School. Eventually I adapted, learned to stay away from the pool when we had swimming lessons or water polo at PE and became more worried about the curriculum I had to catch up with after years of being ignored by teachers. Things were peaceful, for a while.”

They allowed Edelgard some seconds of respite as well, letting her breathe in the quiet and darkness of the house, their soft caresses and all the reassurance she needed in order to keep on going. She had yet to look at them, but neither Byleth nor Ingrid forced her to - they respected her space and were eternally grateful of her confiding in them to begin with.

“Until Kronya happened?” Byleth’s voice was gentle, her hands equally so when combing Edelgard's hair after she and Ingrid pulled away from her. The taller woman’s heart was hammering in her chest, recalling the Halloween party and how scared El had been when chased. Those kids had really left a mark on her, one that she had probably messed with during the Haunted House encounter.

“Until Kronya happened. You see, instead of a scoliosis now I had surgical scars, several of them since the surgery had to be redone as I grew up. Apparently the doctor used a wrong piece the first time around, one that didn’t allow the stem to grow as I did. I was absent from class for a week or more when that revision happened. No one questioned it, which was nice, but they had no reason to since my peers were busier getting together with others our age or older, having their first kisses and so on. 

“One could say the bullying started again, with gossip and rumors going around, when I became the only one who had yet to kiss at age fourteen.”

“Goddess, that’s so young,” Ingrid commented, making both of them chuckle. “Yeah, I’ve seen twelve-year-olds kissing but still. At that age I was more worried about baking good soufflés."

That was the first time Edelgard looked at them, her face open for a second before it darkened again. “It really was. But I was tired of all the talking, even more so as it triggered something else in me, some memories I wasn’t really comfortable with. So in the end I just went with, hm, the first person who showed the slightest interest in me.” She snorted, holding Ingrid’s and Byleth’s hands as strongly as she could, anchoring herself in the real world with that.

“Kronya was fun and wild, a troublemaker at best,” she continued, no matter how much that hurt. “Whereas I was timid, she was outgoing to the extreme and even talked back to teachers. To this day I wonder if she either lost a bet or was paid to ask me out, something of the sorts since we were complete opposites. And in the beginning she was sweet, almost too fast to compliment me, which was new given… given how I had been called a freak for long. So I fell for it, as the stupid kid I had sworn I would never be when it came to love.” She derisively chuckled, felt the weight of new tears in her eyes. “It took a few weeks for her to show who she really was, although the red lights were always there to begin with.”

She told them how the compliments slowly turned into insults which were hidden as advice on how she should act, dress, eat and what to do with her time (and money, aka, spend it on gifts for her since Edelgard didn’t seem able to show love the way “normal” people did).

Although her peers at school had hummed approvingly at their relationship and Kronya’s influence on her, El’s mood reached a new low. At night she would lie in bed and her mind would spin with a thousand thoughts about how unworthy and unnecessary she was to her successful parents, the new, fake friends she had gotten and to her girlfriend, who pestered her about everything she did and didn’t do.

It had sapped her energies and her sense of self, to the point that she was just nodding along to whatever Kronya said and apologizing for whatever she had yet to do or done wrong. That went on for a few weeks, getting worse and worse until it reached its peak in a fateful afternoon.

“That day she told me to skip classes and I couldn’t care anymore about what I should and shouldn’t do, I just followed right along.” Edelgard was whispering at that point, her voice small and almost not there, eyes equally glazed over. “We escaped through the backdoors, there’s a woods of sorts behind Garreg Mach High and we would often stroll through it when she was bored. But on that day she… She had something else in mind, something I had yet to comply with. And that time I- kind of did.”

Two hands squeezed her shoulders, running up and down her arms, making sure she saw the dull electric lights of her home, the ample space of her living room instead of the ominous greens of the forest, the browns of tree barks like the one she was pushed against with a passionate kiss. One that had telegraphed Kronya’s true intentions even to gullible, fourteen-year-old Edelgard. 

“It was ok at first, we’d kissed like that before and made out a little bit too.” She sighed, heart rate spiking as she got closer and closer to the real issues, to what had marked her for so many years. “I always stopped her advances when she went to touch my back, but on that day I was so dazed, I didn’t react fast enough when- her hands reached under my shirt, right over…”

Byleth and Ingrid had no words. They watched as El trembled, motioning vaguely to her back, to where they supposed the main surgical scars were. They wanted to hug her, but figured that particular touch might hit a bit too close to home in that moment, so they resorted to caressing her instead.

They let the woman breathe, think, edit, decide what she did and did not want to say. Given what they had already heard about Kronya, they could already guess how bad that had ended. 

“She drew away the moment she felt the scars under her fingers. Her face, it was as if I were something monstrous. She called me all those names I’d heard back as a kid and even more, never letting me explain what had happened.” Her voice was chilled, clipped, as if she were a machine stating a mere fact. There were tears gathering in her eyes again, but she refused to cry in that moment, to cry some more for that person and what she had done. Even then, it was like poking a raw wound with a very sharp stick. “Then she said I had lied to her for the last three months and that I’d pay for making a fool out of her. 

“I got away as fast as I could, cursing myself for letting all those things… come back to the surface again. All those words I had heard before, the thoughts, everything. I cursed myself for being like that, for thinking things would ever be normal with me. I ran through the woods, back inside the school, but since everyone was still in class I was caught by a teacher and made to stay extra hours as punishment, cleaning rooms after everyone else was gone. I just wanted to cry and curl up and disappear, if possible. Yet…”

They waited, expectant, Byleth easing Edelgard to lay her head on her chest and nuzzle. Her own heart was aching, panging in a mixture of hatred for Kronya and empathy for the woman so close to her. Ingrid’s eyes were tearful; she didn’t visibly weep but her sadness was plain to see too. It wasn’t the time for them to go through that, however. That moment was Edelgard's and Edelgard's alone.

“I saw her again when I was free to go home. She was waiting outside of campus, as she was also caught and made to stay until late, but she wasn’t alone. All the fake friends I made the second we started dating were there, sneering, laughing and calling me names. I didn’t have to be told to run, that something else would take place in there, but of course I wasn’t faster than a bunch of jocks and wannabe athletes.”

“El?” Ingrid called, somewhat scared at how numb she seemed to be, wondering if she was lost in memories or just dissociating from them, from present and past alike. “You’re safe with us.” At first she didn’t know if she was trying to soothe herself or Edelgard, sighing in relief when Byleth placed a hand on hers and squeezed. There was so much to that story, so many nuances and things that already made sense, others that would have to be dissected later on.

It wasn't over, though, and for that they had to stay patient.

“Thank you,” Edelgard breathed, relishing in the warmth that came from them and made a slight impression on her distant mind. Even if she weren’t at all there, that did make it easier for her to go on even if by then she was talking more out of respect for them than for her own sake.

She finished her tale at last, describing with as few words as she could how she had been chased, ridiculed and hurt just as how it had happened when she was a kid. Kronya and her peers went beyond little kicks though, and had only been satisfied when she was injured, crying and barely conscious by the sidewalk. Luckily a parent had been late for retrieving their kids from school and found her on their way there. They were kind enough to not only call an ambulance, but stay with Edelgard as she was treated, until someone got a hold of her parents too. 

As soon as they heard about Kronya and her friends, Ionius and Anselma filed a report and started procedures in order to sue the girl, doing most of it in secret and without El’s involvement outside of getting her testimony (and that from the parent who aided her). Meanwhile, the doctor that examined her realized some points of her spine fusion had broken and needed to be redone or else she would be in excruciating pain sooner or later. And yes, it had been mostly caused by the blows she received. 

The new surgery meant a new scar was etched onto her back and more days were wasted while away from the outside world. Those three weeks or so were spent in physical and psychological therapy, since that was when the panic attacks started and she could barely stand others touching her to begin with.

It also meant she got to meet a girl that was staying in the hospital for something that had happened to her. El's mother was the one to introduce them, as she was working on a case or another regarding Marianne's issue, and their friendship, while slow to start, was a lasting one that got her through the worst of her days. It had helped Edelgard heal more than just physically so, just as she hoped she had aided Mari with her own issues in some way or another as they had been each other's companions for a little, meaningful while.

Once she was discharged, a full month later, Kronya was already locked away - she found out that some extra physicians and shrinks that’d come to access her were actually involved with the case and their report had sped up the sentence and how it was carried out. Her recovery at home was made livelier and easier with Mari's presence and help, even though she had begged the girl not to act as her caretaker due to her own issues. Her claims had gone unheard but in the end she had a lot to thank that girl for - and to that day, Edelgard thought about her a lot, usually lamenting that they had lost contact due to school.

Once the smaller woman ended the tale, her voice becoming silent, she limply lay between her partners, eyes drooping closed as she was overcome with fatigue. She wished something could be said, that they would state their cases and break up with her already since that certainly had to be their intention. Or that they would express their condolences in some way or another before doing so, whatever. Edelgard just wanted things to be done with so she could revel in the sadness and the loneliness that would be her own to taste and feel.

She was almost drifting into troubled sleep when Byleth spoke at last, her tone softer than it should have been due to what was said. 

“I hope Monica gets to see her sister again when she’s locked up as well.”

“Nah, they don’t deserve that blessing. Keep them in different cells please, nice and thank you,” Ingrid retorted in a similar voice, her hands curled on Edelgard’s waist and kneading her the slightest. Her previous worries about the future, which had run rampant through her mind a few hours ago, seemed far too unimportant in comparison - she felt ashamed of herself for thinking that Edelgard had it all together as well. “El, I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t deserve any of that,” Byleth added, a hand on her shoulder and another weaving itself on her hair. She wished she had known something about it sooner, but then recalled how hard it had been for Edelgard - a stiff, still barely responsive Edelgard - to tell it. 

And above it all, both Byleth and Ingrid wished they had been there earlier, maybe that they had been able to soothe the teenager that was attacked and the kid who was bullied back at primary school -

A memory tried resurfacing at that moment, something about a see-saw and stupid kids on the playground. The two shared a look, a brief, meaningful one that was cut short when El shifted and tried getting away from them. It was brief, but both Ingrid and Byleth were sure there was something else there. Something -

“You want to leave now, I’m sure,” Edelgard whispered, managing to get to her feet since neither of them had been constraining her. At least her legs weren’t shaking either, even though her hands still were. “You are free to do so and pretend you’ve never met me. I’ll understand if you want to avoid this freak -”

“Hey, no speaking badly about yourself,” Ingrid cut in, getting up and grabbing her hand. “And no, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Neither will I, El,” Byleth uttered, doing the same and taking Edelgard’s spare hand. “Your past doesn’t make you any less. What happened today doesn’t make you less. And neither your scars nor your back make you a monster.”

“You haven’t seen them, nor should you unless you want some nightmare material,” Edelgard mumbled, glancing at the pristine cream-colored tiles on the ground; her words made both Ingrid’s and Byleth’s hearts freeze. 

“I’m not afraid. If one day you feel like showing us your back, I’ll gladly look and rest assured, no matter how “bad” they are, you won’t be treated any differently.” Byleth caught the way her eyes widened even though they were still veiled by chiliness and the pain riding underneath it.

“Thank you for telling us this. You’re very brave.” Ingrid squeezed the small fingers on hers. “And as Fish Kebab over there said, you’re still El. The same El I met in that Halloween party and have adored ever since. The only thing is that I - we - know you a bit better, of course.” She gave a small beam at the astounded look that she got in response. “Now, I'd usually tell you to eat something, but your pie can wait until tomorrow if you’d rather go to bed.”

“I would.” Edelgard glanced down at a point between their shoes, unusused to all that warmth and understanding instead of judgement. Unconsciously she gripped their hands with more strength, as if holding on to the care that had been poured into her thus far. The words slipped through her lips before she was even able to control them: “Would you - would you spend the night?”

“Anything you want,” Byleth retorted, running a thumb over her knuckles before turning and gently guiding her upstairs. 

Soon they were all huddled together on the spacious mattress, covered by the comfiest blankets they could find for that chilly night. Edelgard’s head was lying on Ingrid’s shoulder, her arm woven with Byleth’s. The two were as close to El as humanly possible, granting each other as much love and care as they could. And like that they fell into a troubled sleep, one that was accompanied with frequent nightmares and Edelgard bolting awake, sitting up in bed as her heart raced and her mind burned with images that she had more than longed to forget.

Images that hadn’t plagued her for years, but had been dragged up again due to what had happened with Monica.

Her racing thoughts and heaving breaths were soothed by her partners, to the point when Ingrid excused herself once, returning later with three steaming mugs of chamomile tea and some cookies she had found in the pantry. They drank in silence, relishing in the warmth the beverage was able to grant them though the cookies were mostly ignored, and luckily after that fell into a calmer sleep too.

Waking up was a slow process, something that was done in silence and with small, reassuring beams that turned into frowns the moment Byleth and Ingrid contemplated the possibility of having to go to work and leave Edelgard by herself. In the end they called their jobs or students and said they wouldn’t go, that something had happened and they had to accompany their partner. That wasn’t taken with as much comprehension as they hoped it would, especially on Ingrid's side, but it was done and they decided they would deal with the consequences later on.

Edelgard remained quiet, answering their small questions with nods or shakes of her head. There was a wall in front of her eyes, shielding her from them more than usual even if she was thankful for their presence, general assistance and help making breakfast after languidly getting out of bed. 

They were sitting down at the kitchen, where it was lightest due to big windows on the left and a white marble counter in front of them, one that had four small, round seats and cream-colored cushions on them. The flimsy winter sunlight was still too much of a contrast to their mood all in all, but they hoped that would help them feel somewhat back to normal after a hectic last day.

It was a quiet breakfast at first, with small movements and even smaller talk about whatever issue came up - the weather, how awful a certain brand of butter was, how Ingrid had burned her finger again while making dessert the night before. Slowly but surely the three women started unwinding a little bit, though they knew it would take some time until things went back to a certain normal.

The cherry on the proverbial cake occured when Ingrid, who had taken the pie from yesterday and cut it in even slices, placed two on Edelgard’s plate, one for herself and half of another on Byleth’s dish.

That was enough to start a war, as Byleth protested and tried stealing away the rest of the chocolate pie, no matter how the chef said they were supposed to leave it for El, how Fish Kebab should stop being so selfish and just eat her portion like everyone else. 

They thought that was too forced at first, too much of a stretch since that elicited no response from Edelgard. A second later, while wrestling each other with the big pie plate between them, they turned and beamed as they saw two lilac eyes smiling back at them, a small chuckle leaving El's lips. 

After that they were able to talk some and get more than just a nod as an answer when they asked if Edelgard was feeling fine. They reassured her that it was ok for her to talk about it, to wonder and inquire about anything at all. Her partners’ words and presence made her mind slowly uncoil and disentangle itself from the recent past, at least enough to go back to another worry she’d had no time to ask about after all that had happened the day before.

“You… you were mad at me on Sunday, weren’t you?” As Edelgard felt two pairs of questioning eyes fall over her, she went on. “You were broody and awfully distant, too. I was worried it was my fault or something.”

A few heartbeats were spent in silence when that was said, to the point that El started feeling a bit uncomfortable. She turned around slowly, finally glancing at both of them, only for her heart to swell when she took stock of their smiles, chuckles and more relaxed faces. That reaction was unexpected, but then she wondered how unexpected her question had been too.

“I don’t know if it’s relevant now but -” Byleth began and was interrupted by a vigorous head shake.

“Whatever you are feeling is as relevant as what I am. Please, we do need to communicate. If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” Edelgard reassured her, heart panging with guilt at the thought of her story shutting her partners off like that. A fear she had had throughout the night, made alive right then with those words. 

“Well I was, hm, thinking about how I earn too little to do nice things like you and Ingrid do. I wanted to, I don’t know, be able to take you to the theater too or give you something nice like you’ve gifted me,” Byleth confessed at last, glad she was heard and how both Ingrid and Edelgard widened their eyes at that, not in a mocking way. 

They had stopped eating, forks and spoons hanging in midair. Edelgard took a second to sip at her tea, bergamot this time, mentally thanking Ingrid for always remembering her favorite no matter what.

“By, I… I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel like you were obliged to do anything like that. Us being together doesn’t mean you have to take me places and give me things. I’d rather you did what you can, though if you want to I can take you to the theater too,” El said, downcast. She never wanted her income and so on to become a gap between them.

Byleth thought about that, about how nice it was whenever Edelgard took her out to some different locations she had never seen - or afforded to see - before. “I think I’d like that, yeah. Can’t say for sure since I’ve never been to the theatre, so who knows. I might scare everyone in the middle of the play just because I feel like it.” She shrugged and tried to downplay how inadequate she felt at times, but was made aware by a glance that Edelgard had picked up on it too. 

“We can go then, if there’s a play that interests you. But only if there is something that you like, ok? No agreeing to go with me just for my sake,” Edelgard said, waving a forkful of pie to emphasize her point. “And if it helps… it’s not how many times either of you take me out or how much you spend on gifts. I really love walking around town with you and just lying around talking, too. 

“And well, can I ask for anything more than what you did for me yesterday or before it?” She added after a brief pause in which she gently put that slice of pie in her mouth. It was the first thing she had eaten in a while, the first thing she had felt worthy of eating after all that had occurred. “Your support and acceptance mean a lot more than fancy food, nice plays and rare books.”

It wasn’t enough to dispel Byleth’s doubts, as those had been festering for long and had started in her deep-rooted disdain for the rich and powerful when she was a kid. However, it was a start and she knew she would be ok, that they would work through that with time and some patience too. 

“Thank you, really.” The woman took Edelgard’s hand and gently kissed her knuckles, glad when that touch was received well and there was no flinching from it. 

“We can talk about it whenever you want, but please don’t feel like you are less because you earn less,” El added in a soft voice, squeezing the hand that was holding hers. It felt easier to inquire about their issues and focus on them instead of having her past crowding her mind one more time. “And what about you, Ingrid? You didn’t look well either.”

The blonde sighed, looking away and putting down her coffee mug on the counter. She wished Edelgard hadn’t asked; she felt more ashamed than anything when her late afternoon and early evening musings came back to the front of her mind due to that prompt. Just recalling how much she had wished to be able to give her life more purpose and direction, just like the smaller woman seemed to be doing, was enough to make words catch at her throat.

If only she had known back then that Edelgard’s passion was fueled by dark days and ominous memories, which had overtaken her the moment she was faced with a case so similar to her own. Maybe even then the chef would have felt inspired by her, albeit in a different, more respectful way. Had it been shallow of Ingrid to make so many assumptions based on what she had heard before? But then, would she have divined any part of that story if she hadn’t been told about it? Some details still blew her mind, even though she had indeed slept on them.

Instinctively she pulled El closer, making them both sit on the edge of their seats as her body shivered due to a mixture of ill-suppressed anger and sadness at all she had heard before. Her wish to protect, to do something against those that had harmed Edelgard, became so strong it almost blinded her.

“Ingrid?” Byleth asked, placed a hand on her back and squeezed it the slightest. They had been touching more as of late and it felt natural to do so at that time, as if they had gotten closer by trying to soothe their partner.

That wasn’t unheard of, they both knew, and after all the closeness was somewhat comforting, normal. Good, as if it had always been there too.

“Oh sorry, I was out of it for a second,” the blonde apologized, shaking her head and pulling away from the hug so her emerald irises could lock with concerned, still lightly veiled lilac ones. “I was, uh… comparing myself to you, El. It was so beautiful to see you talking about how you’d love to act as a defense attorney to bullying victims and so on. Your eyes shone with so much passion and I... “ She stopped, sighed, hoped against hope that she wouldn’t be misunderstood. “Some days I can’t remember why I’m still at Hell’s Kitchen or even cooking.” Her eyes struggled not to move from her partner’s, though they wanted to wander. “Now that I know why you’re so invested in it… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for your feelings, please,” Edelgard mumbled, pulling the woman into an embrace again. “It’s ok to wonder and also, I hadn’t told you about my motivations before and you couldn’t assume either way.”

Ingrid sighed, getting to her feet in order to edge closer to El, taking in all that acceptance and warmth too. There was no judgement between them she realized, almost shaking due to how relieving that was. There were no broken expectations, disappointed people or the will of others being imposed on her. There was only her, Ingrid Galatea, her partner and her friend.

“You’re young,” Byleth said, peeking at the chef over Edelgard’s shoulder. Her eyes were welcoming, without any mockery to accompany that. “And even if you were seventy years old, it’s never too late to start again if that’s what you wanna try.” 

“Absolutely,” Edelgard agreed, nodding, then pulled away and squeezed Ingrid's arms. “You could try switching restaurants, maybe Dimitri’s place is just a competitive one and that’s been making you feel bad about cooking. Some places do end up depressing and failing to inspire instead, it's not that uncommon unfortunately. But if you do need to attempt something new, please do. You deserve it, you deserve to do what your heart desires the most. And if your parents ever say something, well, I will be more than happy to talk some sense into them. Bullies should be put in their places after all.”

Ingrid and Byleth snickered at that, with the widest smile taking over the former’s face. She leaned in and pecked El’s cheeks, slowly, giving her enough time to pull away if she wanted to and relishing when it didn’t happen. Then she picked up a piece of bread and shoved it on Byleth’s mouth as a way to say thanks, almost without giving her time to realize what was going on. 

“Hmpf, you rweally awre young,” Byleth chewed and complained with a beam, since Edelgard was laughing at that.

Breakfast went on afterwards, a lot livelier and more alight than before. They were far from being healed, or for keeping the need to compare themselves to each other at bay. However, the words which had been taken out of their chests in those last hours spent together did relieve them of some tension, the weight of memories and closed-off thoughts gradually buried under new laughter and jokes. The past, being plucked in order to make a path to the future ahead, one that didn’t need to be filled with darkness and self-deprecating thoughts. 

It would be slow, they knew, but it would definitely be worth it to fight those demons together and allow the three of them to grow in their own paces, taking as much time as they needed to do so. And it was ok if that process took long - they wanted to always be together anyways.


End file.
